the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
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In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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