About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
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The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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