a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize