i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
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I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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