You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
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When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
as a side note pls kill me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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