We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
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I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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