remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
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Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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