I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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