and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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