I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
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Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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