if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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