I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize