I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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