her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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