I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize