if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
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The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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