I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
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if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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