you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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