remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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