so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize