And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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