I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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