i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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