Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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