where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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