i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize