I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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