My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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