Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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