hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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