I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize