I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize