She is in my trunk
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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