Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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