don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You ate ashes out of my bong
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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