The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
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His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
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I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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