she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
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He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
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Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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