was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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