You're my little dorito
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize