Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
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i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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