My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
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We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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