Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize