??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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