Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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