he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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