I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize