Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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