I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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