; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize