My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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